I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
