if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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