i permit you to call me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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