Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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