hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
