I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
