i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
