i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
