You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
