Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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