I accidentally had phone sex last night
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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