im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
