i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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