I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
