I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
