Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
