Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
