dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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