I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
