a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
