When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
