what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
