Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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