u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
