my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
