A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
