im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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