Whod you bang
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
