i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
