Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
