so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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