One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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