Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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