my mouth tastes like poor choices
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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