To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
