She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
