Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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