i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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