Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
