Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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