bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
