So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
