; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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