I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
