When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
