And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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