Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
