Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am spending my child support on dildos
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
