Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
