Don't you send me to vm
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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