You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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