Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
