On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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