I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
